Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
