words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
