positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
