Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
