How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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