I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
