You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
