I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
