I have demons in me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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