Me too!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
