All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
