Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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