oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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