What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
