When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
