Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
