You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
