no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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