if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
