i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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