I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love accidental penises.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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