He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
