those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
