My hand turned me down
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
