your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize