I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
