New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
