ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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