the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i will never coherently bang her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The power of my boobs compel you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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