sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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