So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
