All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
