So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
