I faked an abortion last night.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
