I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
