i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
