I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
