We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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