i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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