I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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