btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
