dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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