She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
