Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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