Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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