is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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