We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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