Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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