did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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