Those balls look pretty dangerous.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
