He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
