What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize