During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
