I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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