if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
