Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
