you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
