Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
