Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
