Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
