First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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