im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
