and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
