I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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