don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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