i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
