been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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