fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
