well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
