was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
