Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
