his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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