So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
