They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
