My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
