Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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