I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My bed is full of blood and feathers
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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